A lady I knew but was not my friend used to play a fast move on her hubby who was my friend. I felt bad not for not informing the guy of my suspicions so I narrated what I and others were witnessing to her hubby’s friend. What did the hubby’s friend (also a friend of mine) do? He forwarded my text message on the escapades to his friend. This guy came to me, and demanded that I become a witness to enable him to divorce his wife. I had to think on my feet. I told him I have not seen the man on top of his wife so I will not testify.
Fast forward, his wife managed to convince him that I was out to destroy their marriage because I had once told her her hubby had a girlfriend. This guy stopped talking to me. I was so shocked with his wife’s narration because this is a guy who does not smoke, drink or womanize. He is an example of perfection. Unfortunately, he believed his wife and has not spoken to me ever since. She achieved her aim by turning her hubby against me. I resolved henceforth to mind my own business. I now direct my friends with marital issues to counsellors. I simply do not want to get involved to be accused of taking sides.
I used to be an ardent hater of women who commit adultery until one of my young brothers once opened my eyes. He said “my sister, you don’t know happens in people’s homes. You cannot sit here and judge women who commit adultery because you have not experienced what they go through.” This admonition came from someone that I am 13 years older than.
My brother’s comment opened my eyes in many ways to the extent that I have come across women whose husbands have not touched them for eight straight years. I met another whose husband brings his girlfriends home and each time she complains he beats her. I advised her to get a lawyer and also report the assault but she is not heeding. One of my friends husband moved out five years ago and only goes home to pick essential items. She is so broken but not ready to file for divorce. There are several other stories similar to those narrated above.
Afia v Abrokwah
I hardly comment on marital issues between celebrities because most are stunts and besides, they (celebrities) live in their own world. But I occasionally come in when there are some useful lessons to be learnt.
I don’t follow Afia on social media but what moved me to watch the video was the divergent opinions expressed by my friends on their timelines. I made a few observations after watching the video. I focused on the criminal aspect and the fact that she and her hubby had separated at the time the incident happened. I got to know of the separation from her former hubby’s conversation with the house help.
The truth is, I for the first time learnt yesterday that couples who are separated can date. Afia’s issue is a fluid one but there are criminal aspects to it because her nude videos are out and her former hubby was heard threatening to maim her with acid.
A male friend posted on facebook that “why do I have a feeling that the women supporting the shameful deed of Afia are the ones who do stuffs behind their men?”. I responded by writing: “Oh. This is a terrible assumption. You wouldn’t be saying this if you have watched the video and listened to the audio recording between the guy and his house help. My lawyer friends were arguing from the point of separation. The audio recording clearly showed they had separated.
There’s also a criminal dimension to the case. I’m really disappointed in your post. It’s very unfair and unfortunate for you to put this up. Argue with an open mind devoid of prejudice and you will respect and appreciate the position of others.”
To those who think the women condemning Abrokwah “do stuffs behind their men,” does this mean I am a lesbian if I say what lesbians do behind closed doors is none of our business? Does this mean I am a robber, thief, fraudster etc when I say those listed have a right to be heard or should not be judged in the court of public opinion?
What is wrong is wrong. Even if Afia committed adultery, would it be right for me to come on Facebook to condemn her? Do I know what happens in her marriage? And even if I do, is it my business? Even Jesus did not condemn sinners. He welcomed them and taught them the Gospel.
To those who hold the view the women defending Afia are cheats, it is most unfortunate, shameful and despicable to do that. The funniest part is my female friends who are condemning Abrokwah for releasing the video live pure and true. I nearly collapsed when I read comments from some known “perfect women” condemning Afia. The world is full of irony.
To my male friends and followers quoting Leviticus 20:10, we are in modern times. It is not worth it to maim or kill a woman for cheating. There are many faithful women around so just walk off with your head high in the event you find a man on top of your spouse. Life is too short to go to prison over an unfaithful partner.
Leave, Don’t Stay and Cheat
I STILL abhor adultery and even cheating during courting, so I always tell my female friends who are being mistreated by their partners the following: “my sister, do not allow a man to push you to do what you would not have done under normal circumstances. Please leave. Don’t stay and commit adultery. The very man who encourages you to cheat on your husband will certainly not marry you when your marriage ends. Why? It is because there is a possibility you will cheat on him one day.”
Marriage is fun but can be filled with turbulence. Men get away with so many vices but our society descends heavily on women when they commit similar offences. It’s normal for a married man to have children with his concubines but society sees it as despicable when a woman does the same. It is for these and other reasons like contracting STIs, losing your self worth, suffering shame etc etc that I tell my young sisters, please stick to ONE MAN ALWAYS. Leave if things don’t go well. Don’t stay and turn into a slut
By: Mabel Aku Baneseh.